New Season, New Location

  Hello any readers that I have left out there!
I have decided to start fresh on a new blog, new/clear direction. If you'd like to follow along with me there, you can do so at strengthgrowthlife.wordpress.com .

The Blog is called Sustenance, which has a long history behind the name. I am so excited for this new space, and new defined purpose for my writing and can't wait to share more. If you're curious about the name, you can read more about it, and the heart behind the blog on the "about" tab at the new location.

I hope that you will make your way to the new page and follow along. I am truly excited for what God has in this new season of writing, and for what God is unfolding as a part of His greater purpose. I don't want this to just be a place for my little devotionals, but will also be sharing some tools for how to study the Word, and be challenging myself and readers to really pursue growth in their walks through the Word. 

Why, Not What.

Bride...what comes to your mind when you hear this word?
Perhaps you think of a fluffy white dress, tiara, and a princess persona.
A room filled with adoring family with tear stained faces as all the attention is the one walking towards the love of her life. Maybe your own wedding day romanticized and filled with fond memories.
Or images of crazed women, dramatic, frustrated, controlling as they plan their "perfect" day.
For others it brings to mind longing and loneliness...a desire for a life of togetherness, while they stand alone...the cliché line their often quoted, "always a bridesmaid, never a bride."
Others perhaps a bitter taste of regret and brokenness as they recall the beginning of a failed marriage...their own role as a naïve bride that was blindsided when the fairytale ended.

The other day as I was out to lunch with some friends, the topic of singleness came up. This innate desire to find the one to spend your life with, yet the struggle to not be consumed by the search. What an incredible balance that we have all found difficult to find at times. Here we sat, a diverse group of people all at very different points in our lives, yet all wondering the same things.

The desire and the conflict isn't just for those who are not yet married either...many people put so much hope in the ideals and idea of being a bride or groom that they are disappointed when the fairytale is over and it isn't the daydream they'd been hoping for.

We spend so much time and energy thinking and hoping for something that we miss the reason behind it all.

The same is true of any innate desire that we hold, not just for marriage and family. Longing for acceptance, connection, longing for promotion, success. All can be misguided if our focus isn't in the right place.

If all I do is dwell on what I long for, and do not give any thought to why I desire it, then I will never appreciate it when I find it and never meet the purpose for which that desire was placed in me in the first place.

I've been challenged to look at my life from a different perspective a lot lately...one that is far less self centered, and instead Christ focused.
In this search God has reminded over and over again how much I am like Him. How this world and His presence here, His evidence all around is all meant to point me back to Him. That means that even the innate desires of my heart that He has given me can point me toward His love and His desires.

Jesus came to reveal the Father to us. (we learn this in the New Testament from Jesus Himself)

 “O righteous Father, the world doesn’t know you, but I do; and these disciples know you sent me. I have revealed you to them, and I will continue to do so. Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.” (John 17:25-26 NLT)
 
In this passage we learn that Jesus revealed the Father to us, then allowed His love for Jesus to be in us, so we can in turn love Jesus and be filled with Him. In 1 Corinthians it tells is that we can understand the truths of the word not by our own understanding but because we have the mind of Christ. Because Christ is in us, we have the mind of Christ and the he ability to understand things that were once hidden...

Hidden desires, hidden purpose, hidden identity.

You see Christ, in revealing who the Father is to us, also reveals who we are in Him...that is, who we were created to be before sin and the world turned us into what it wanted us to be. Without knowing the Father, we would not know ourselves who were first  created in His image with a divine purpose. 

The example above of the bride is just one of many desires that we as women have that are a representation of a deeper desire. A desire for love ( created in an image of God who also desires to be loved), a desire for commitment (God also desires your commitment), the list goes on. 

Each gifting and divine desire that lies within us is meant to point us back to the God that created us in His image. Creativity for example...God, creator, master artist made men and women in His image who too desire to create beauty and works of art. 

When you can see that God created you in His image, then you can begin to ask why. God wants to reveal Himself to this dying world...He sent His son to reveal Himself to us, so that we can love Him, be filled with him....and then in turn do the same for others. Jesus calls us to go and make disciples. He wants us to show the Fathers love to others and has uniquely created each of us in his image with different traits  and gifting's that reflect a side of Him that the world needs to see. 

You were not created just to be....you were not created just to live...if you were, there would be no need to not have been the only one created. 

This weekend Pastor Zane Anderson from Victory Assembly in Tucson was a guest speaker at a church I attended. His message was so timely and struck a cord with what I have been writing here in this post. He began his sermon holding out a tiny apple seed in his hand. He said, "I have a tree in my hand, can you see it?" We all understood where he was going with this....the seed was not meant to stay a seed, but instead to reach its potential and become a tree, which is was created to be.  But then, he went further. "Not just a tree...but inside this seed is fruit....and more than that...inside this seed is an entire orchard!" If that seeds purpose was to just become a tree, then it would never need to produce anything....it would grow up and then die off. But it's as made for a harvest. And so were you.

Weep Now, Sing Later

Praying that God will give you strength to fight feelings of unworthiness, and replace any doubt/fear with His courage and strength and purpose. No matter where you are or what you are doing, there will always always be people there to criticize you. You can choose how to respond. You can be brought down and discouraged by it, you can become prideful and calloused by it, or you can choose to take it to God...ask Him to reveal any truth that will strengthen you and grow you from it, and choose to leave the rest behind.

 You need to give yourself grace, even if no one else does. AND know that just because someone criticizes something, that doesn't mean that they are right. You have the responsibility to take everything to God and let HIS truth be the judge. Everything else, you must release, forgive, and move forward in God's call

I understand. It can be hard to wade through other people's opinions. Ultimately, God's matters more than anything else. His should hold the most weight, even far above your own.

 I read something on Facebook recently from Sadie from Duck Dynasty. So I many people were taking about her family. This  article  was talking about how her family has been under attack and such and she said something along the lines of, "if you're holding the football, you're going to get tackled."  That's kind of how life is as a Christian....when you are holding the football (aka doing what God has called you to do) you will get tackeled (criticized and poked at...persecution comes with every calling)

This is all a part of the refining fire. It hurts. IT sucks...it's hard. But you're being shaped and molded by this all. At the hand of the safest, most loving creator God, you are being shaped into His most precious creation.

It's not meant to hurt you, although it will bring pain...it's good for you ultimately....cake batter must be put in the oven to cook before it can be what it was designed to be.

You are being brought through the fire and being shaped and made into what God designed you to be from the very beginning of time

Without the fire, like the cake batter, you're just a sweet gooey mess.

That could potentionally give someone salmonella..ew . But how true is that? When I am not healthy, when I am not refined and matured in my faith, allowing God to prune me and heal me as he grows me, I often do more damage to the people around me than I realize.

Press on towards the goal... bend...bend to the hand of God. LET HIM have you. Let Him have His way in your heart, let Him mold you and teach you...break you, and then build you. "pressing on" = yielding to what He's doing in your life. Oh what a glorious season. Although difficult, THIS season is what will produce the fruit in the next. Tilling the land, planting the seeds so that the growth may spring forth

Perhaps you are thinking, "I feel like He's tilling my entire life right now.. It couldn't have been just one area at a time?"  It seems to all come at once, we want relief, we want less... But what good would that do? To have an entire field that could produce a crop, and only prepare a small corner of it...that wouldn't make much sense. A small corner of harvest wouldn't produce enough food to sustain you.

You must have the  whole crop...so that you can live in the abundant life He has planned.

"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They will weep as they go to plant their seed, but they will sing as they return with the harvest." Psalm 126:5-6

Hope

For quite a while I had found my heart in a miserable state of thinking. Where once my heart hoped for the future and dreamt of what would be, in had crept a bitterness without my even knowing.


When I heard myself thinking things like, "It's nice to dream as a youth, but as an adult you face reality," and "I guess this is just a part growing up," something in me ached. I recognized that something was wrong with this way of thinking, but it also felt right in the moment and so I didn't question it. Instead I let it permeate my life and influence my decisions, which only reinforced that very notion of the mundane lack luster existence.

I had lost sight of hope.
I had misplaced my hope.
Maybe you can relate?

Maybe you too felt like dreaming was wasted, because now you must work to no end. You work to make money, but it feels insignificant. Feels like a waste, but what else are you to do? The words of Psalms 39:6-7 sparked something in me, bringing me back to life.

"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.


So returning our hope to God alone is the key. My hope does not lie in what I do, or what I cannot do, it doesn't lie even in the dreams and hopes themselves, or in the future at all. My hope is now, my hope is Christ and yours is too.


In Ecclesiastes, amidst a monologue of the depressing conclusion of the meaningless fate of all being death, it says  "there is hope only for the living." And what hope we have that we, Gods children, have been granted life. "I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me." (John 10:28)


It is is easy for us to think of our eternal hopes in Christ. That seemed the point of our salvation right? To not go to Hell when we die, but rather spend eternity with God in Heaven? 


But there is so much more to hope and eternal life than what happens at the end. The truth is that the moment you accept Christ, you are a new creation....no longer spiritually dead, but alive in Christ. That means that you don't have to wait until you die physically, to enter into eternal life with God. The veil in the temple that separated the sinners from the Holy Presence of God was torn in this world, this life so that you and I could live the rest of our earthly life and beyond with God and unto God. 


This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. (John 17:3)


 That means that the moment we made Jesus our Lord and accepted His forgiveness, we entered into eternal life. It is now.


So how does that connect to the  beginning of this post? I'm glad you asked. 

Here it is: if my hope is in Christ, and not just eternity in the after earthly death sense of the word, but the one in which my eternity started the moment that I accepted Him, then my hope is alive. It is in a God who stands beside me today, not just later. And that means that I am not confounded to a boring, mundane life without dreams without future...it means i have entered into an ordained life full of purpose, full of possibility, full of hope because the God of all creation is living in me, walking next to me, and going before me from right now into eternity.


When we move our hope, or lack there of, from what we can do, what we can see, what we can dream, and place it back onto the living God that gives us our purpose, there is no dream too big, and no task too small. Suddenly the future is bright, and the "mundane" life in front of us full of opportunity. 


This weekend my pastor said that when our confidence is in ourselves...there isn't much confidence...but when our confidence is in God, we stand in Godly confidence that anything is possible. He opened the message with a prayer that I think we ought to pray every morning to remind us just where our hope lies,
"For me, there are many things that are impossible, but for You, God, there is nothing that is impossible."

 

 

-Court

New Beginnings

I have been thinking lately a lot about this blog...about writing.
It has sort of felt like an old shoe that no longer fits properly. I have written SO many posts over the past few years that have sat in this indefinite draft state, never seeing the light of day.
I have a lot to say, a lot to write...yet a combination of fear, and timing, and also just not knowing has silenced me, caused me to lose my voice.
So many thoughts swirl around in my head every time I begin to write...and today I decided to just stop.
Just stop over thinking...stop letting fear or anything else hold me back.

I need a fresh start, a new beginning....but I do not want to lose what I have already started here.

So in time, I will be changing this blog's name to something that fits the new direction. I will be adding different content from a previous blog that I mostly wrote poetry in years ago and writing new stuff too. I want a single place where I can just share whatever is on my heart be it a devotional, a funny story, a song, a poem, a picture, whatever.

Stay tuned for more...or don't, that's ok too. :)



I'll start by sharing a poem I wrote several years ago that has been on my heart lately.
This year God has challenged me so much regarding my faith...what I believe my purpose is here on earth, and where He is desiring to use me. I always come back to this sense of mis-direction.
The idea of how easy it is for believers to be in their own little world, not truly doing Kingdom work.

We attend church, we worship, we read our Bibles and that's all good...but that's not all we are called to. When back in the world (our families, our jobs, our spheres of influence), we ignore the issues that are around us, we ignore the pain and the lost state of the people around us.

We lose focus, so easily forgetting that our gaze ought to be on Jesus...YES...but that HIS gaze, is on the dying world and that His desire is to have their gaze too.
He wants them, just as He wanted you.
He died for them, just as He died for you.
And more than that...we forget that we have a role to play in helping them to see Him.

Empty Space

written March 18, 2010

Deep blue sea of restless
beating, angry waves
they crash all around me
and I seem un-phased
the darkness that surrounds me
I have began to see
as a distant thing once noticed
now not the place for me

The world cries out in anger
in pain, in fear, in shame
I cry out to you
yet never give them your name
I say you are the answer
to everything wrong in me
yet I sit back and watch them
slowly bleed in misery

So if my loud, long worship
is drowning out their cries
then is it still as pleasing
if it is not saving lives?
let this life not be one wasted
on selfish, greedy thinking
instead a life of sowing
planting and even growing

Your kingdom stands at risk
of having empty space
I don't want to be distracted
by simply staring at your face
My gaze must turn from your sweet face
to a heart broken and torn
for a world that is lost and seeking
needing to be warned.

 

 

-Court  

Heart In Hand

Ode to you a friend of old,
And to the new beginning.
Time has passed and you have too,
that's just memory in the making.
At once you began with heart in hand
ready to unfold.
Secret dreams of flight and flourish
spoken to existence.
Each step of faith with one to follow
only brought us closer to this end.
At glance it seemed not much was left,
with inspection truth arose.
Much was lost, but much more gained
as days peddled into year.
A tale of firsts that brought much glory
would be this story's header.
Pages filled with life and love,
as visions became reality.
You once did say that in the end,
The will of God prevails.
A story then of victory,
is what we have to speak.
For the hand of God hath covered us,
we are but on our knees.
Humbled at the chance for part,
in the mystery of His plan.
I am at rest to begin once more,
another year with heart in hand.
I offer to Him my everything,
and ask but one request.
"Take each breath, each step,each word,
and use them for Your Glory."

Written January 7, 2012

Safe

Like a ship upon the water

Your love is holding me

As I'm moved to and frow

I'm safe within your keep

I am moved by your love

Held by your love

Kept afloat by your love for me

Sometimes in the safety of a cove

It's rest and peace for me

Other times it's open seas

With waves and storms to beat

But no matter where you take me

I know one thing's for sure

 I am yours and you are mine

I am moved by your love

Held by your love

Kept afloat by your love for me

Love

Without it, what purpose could anything possibly hold?

Seasons...it's a word I use often these days...probably because I don't know how else to describe the waves of life that ebb and flow so. In they come with pain and struggle, out they flow with peace and rest. 
They are ever changing, and I am therefore ever growing.
It's funny, though, how quickly one can forget the pain of the past...and yet remember it so vividly at the same time. The struggles I go through in the present are difficult, they are painful, full of mistakes, and lots of raw emotion.
They always seem like something I've never walked through before, yet somehow, they remain vaguely familiar at the same time...reminiscent of somewhere I've walked before.
Every trial brings new depth to my soul, drawing me deeper into the love of God...deeper into the purposed life He has for me. But each time, I feel unprepared for the trail, unprepared for the emotion, the struggle...unprepared to face the character flaws that rise to the surface, and the deep wounds revealed that have misshaped my beliefs over the years. All of the new depth and territory makes it seem so different than any other "season" I've walked through...but in the end I end up thinking to myself...I knew this. I remember this. God must have shown me this before.

The truth is each struggle that is molding me, building me, stretching me isn't all that unfamiliar...while I'd like to think it's a a new area...it's the same issue, always....just from a new angle. 
It always comes down to two not so little words.
Trust and Love.
Do I trust God's love?

Recently I was seeking God about some things that He'd been revealing to me...things that to be quite honest, I don't like seeing in myself. I kept asking for an answer...all I heard, over and over again was "I love you."

Today as I poured my soul before my King, He asked me if I trusted His love. My automatic response was...of course...I know you love me! That wasn't what He was asking though. He asked me if I trusted His love. 

You see there is a difference that I have never caught before. I can say without a doubt in my mind that God loves me. I know it. I have had far too many examples of my own, and countless stories in the Bible that lead me to that conclusion. I know His love for me is vast and rich...that it is beautiful and perfect in every way. I have always thought my faith was great because I can say that. Because I can say that I know His love is good, that He is good. 

But just because I know that, doesn't mean I always trust in it. 

I know what I have had evidence to persuade me of...I know what I have proof to back up. 

But to trust...I don't have to see any of that right now. I don't have to understand where I am or why...I have to take what I have known and choose to rely on that, to have faith in that. 

God longs for my heart to be fully His. That is what trust is. It's relying on completely...giving control to Him completely. 

Sometimes I forget that even the desires of my heart are there to remind me of that. They are meant to lead me to His heart...not my own ways. Sometimes it can be confusing to know God, to know He has a purpose, and to even know that He wants all of you, but to still feel drawn to other things. 

I can't really explain the way that my heart aches some days. It aches for love..for children, for a family to pour my life and love into, for my calling. My heart is burdened with this. Not because I cannot live alone, or cannot live without these, but because I feel that they are a part of who I was made to be, yet not yet a part of my life. 

I imagine this to only be a small glimpse of the way my Father feels. Perhaps this time where I think I am lonely...where I think I am missing something that so desperately feels like it ought to be a part of me..perhaps, just maybe...it's really a lesson of love, and what I have gained in Him. 

See He understands my heart; His aches for the same things...

The Father's heart aches when his children are not in his arms. He longs for them much more intensely than we could ever long for love of our own, children of our own, dreams and businesses, homes, ...whatever it is we long for...He longs for me..and for you much more. 

Losing and Winning

I am always going to be a loser.
That feels strange to type, but it's not meant to be a negative.

God is always asking me to lose. Always asking me to let go.
Lose the things I think I need in order to gain what He has ordained.
Lose myself in the process so that I may discover who He made me to be, not who I decided to be.

The hard thing about all of that...is just that...it's HARD. Losing never feels good in the moment.
We lose and our pride fights against us tooth and nail desperately trying to cling on to something, fearful of losing everything.

The truth in all of this, though, is that we were never really winning before we "lost". And so, we had to lose in order to win.

If we do not let go and move forward, then we will never be able to grab hold of the new things that God is doing and the future that He has prepared for us. 

"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

That wasteland of losing, will soon be remembered for the paths it held, that lead to Victory.

 

Hustlin'

It's funny to me that I can sit in the quietness of my home for hours with nothing to write at all. And it seems that no matter how hard I try to clear my mind of distractions, that is all there is. One after another, my mind is swiftly carried away into thoughts of every topic other than the one at hand.

Yet here I sit in a cold, tiled space surrounded by strangers and the words and concentration flow like warm honey. The lull of their ongoing conversations, clicking of their computers, occasional coffee grinder in the background...all of it a mere backdrop for a picture of words on this page.

Ease and comfort in the midst of this hustle and bustle life are the words tonight.

And it feels good.

And it feels right.

Maybe the point is that this is where the inspiration runs rampant. This is where God's heart lies...in the midst of His people. Lost and saved alike, here is the representation of Him on earth...here His heart beats and his lungs fill with air. His children. To be among them.

This week I was observing a family that was crying out to God on behalf of their son. He was inflicted by an illness, and they were calling on God to heal him. I prayed for the boy a heartfelt prayer...but then my eyes fell on the mother's tear stained face and my heart broke all over again.

I cried as she cried, my heart beating faster and faster as I saw her anguish over her son. She was desperate for God to move.

In that moment, I felt the Lord's heart for His children. I felt the power and vastness of His love. The anguish and compassion that comes from being so in love with that which He calls His own.

It is here among His creation that my heart beats. Here that I feel called and privileged.

"For God so Loved the world..."  and so must we.

Refined

Every season in life feels so fresh and new...yet there is always something vaguely familiar too.

Somewhat like a vivid case of déjàvu....the feeling like you've been here before remains, yet it's also completely new.

Some friends and I have recently been going through a group study together. In one of the group discussions it asked what our happiest year was and why, followed by our worst. It's funny how difficult it was for me. At fist I thought it would come easy...I would think of the time that I remember being joyful, carefree, and happy...and I would instantly know. But to be honest, each happy memory, was followed by a thought of the sorrow, heartache, or valley that I also recall from that time. Each blessed and peaceful memory was paired with one of pain. No year stood out to me as all together happier. And while it seemed easy at first say that my most difficult year was definitely the last, that too faded as I recalled the good of the year. The joys and growth that took place because of the struggles. 

The truth is that, just as each year is filled with both dry and rained filled seasons, so are the seasons in our lives. 

Refining. He is refining me. Each season that I walk through, I come out the other side changed. It is my choice whether I am made better, or become harder. There are really no other options. I either allow myself to be moved and molded as my Creator re-shapes my character, or I choose to become calloused and I thwarted by his efforts. 

I have been in both places in my life and harder is never better.

When we choose to become calloused, we remove the ability to find serenity and peace within the storm. We're left frustrated, searching for justification, rather than peacefully trusting our Father. 

While not every difficult time in our lives is designed by God or inflicted upon us, I do believe that it is always purposed by Him. He is always there speaking tenderly, desiring us to draw near in the moment of heartache. 

I love the passage in Hosea chapter 2 where God allures his people into the wilderness...it's there in their struggle where He makes them His bride. Anyone who has been in any kind of relationship with another person can attest that conflict or struggle, when handled properly, will end up bringing the two closer in the end. Such is this story. She has wronged Him, He leads her way into the wilderness so that he has her attention. Stripped of all distractions, she can now hear him speaking softly, lovingly. There He restores her, gives back to her, cleanses her. 

“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. “In that day,” declares the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master. ’ I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. (Hosea 2:14-17 NIV)

God desires to refine you in this season. To draw you out, away from the things that have kept you from Him. He desires to write His name in your heart and on your lips, and to remove all others. To mold you into His bride and show you that He is your Bridegroom. 

Truth is...

Often times we have conflicting desires.

With one thought we desire truth. We desire growth. We desire to know Gods will.

But in the very same moment, in creeps a fear that is at war with those desires.

We want security. We want justification. We want comfort.

They just don't mix. 

We're afraid to seek truth because we know that often with that truth comes the harsh reality that truth requires change. 

And sometimes...we just don't want to. 

We are afraid that truth will require that we let go of some things. Things that have maybe been a part of our lives for so long that they feel as if they are a part of our very make up as a human being...they have become one with the identiy we see when we look in the mirror. 

Or maybe the truth will tell us that we're not enough on our own...which by the way...we're not...and yet we are. We aren't because apart from Christ, we are nothing...and we are because He says we can come as we are and that He's made perfect in our weakness.

Truth, you see, sets us free. But freedom is sometimes scary. A bird that's only ever known captivity is fearful of the open air. How will the bird ever know it's purpose if it keeps the mentality that it belongs in a cage?

Yet don't we do the same thing? We confine ourselves to the life we've always known or the beliefs we've always held, so afraid to let them go and see what God has really purposed us for.

I am reminded of the very beginning of Romans 12 as I mull over these thoughts. It gives a pattern for knowing Gods will. But it's going to require some things of me...things I desire to hold onto but need to let go of, and things I desire to grab hold of.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1, 2 NIV)

This passage tells me that if I want to test and approve what God's perfect will is, I must do these things:

1. Sacrifice.

Am I willing to let my life, my very body even, be a living sacrifice for God; holy and pleasing I'm every way? 

Am I willing to lay down what I do and become subject to Christ?

2. Rebel Against Conformity to the World

Am I able to recognize when my life is conforming to the patterns and standards that the world holds? And am I willing and able to rebel against my natural desire to do so?

3. Be Transformed

Am I willing to release my old beliefs and allow a transformation to take place? 

And I willing to be wrong and to let my life be transformed?

4. Renew My Mind

Am I willing to get into God's Word, Worship, Fellowship, and Prayer?

Am I willing to let that renew my mind, replacing old habits, thought processes, belief systems, and identities with the new mind of Christ?

5. Test and Approve God's Will

Am I willing to ask God questions seeking to test His Word and Will?

6. Trust That His Will is Perfect, Good and Pleasing

Am I willing to trust that if God says it's His will, that it must be good, perfect and pleasing?

7. See it All in View of His Mercy

Do I trust that His mercies are new every morning and that all of this is only possible because of His love and mercy?

When we allow ourselves to take that leap of faith, that's when His truth sets us free.

-CR

Timeless

A God outside of Time.

This weekend my Pastor was speaking about the Kingdom of Heaven, and attributes of the God that fills it.

I got stuck on several points...but I wanted to share one with you.

Joy.

We read it in the Bible, and we quote it to each other in times of struggle...let's say it together... "The Joy of the Lord is our strength."

I have said it so many times, yet never really thought about it truly. What does it mean?
I have used it as a way of beating myself up for not being joyful enough ,to get through something. Because, being joyful is how I am strong...that's how I "manage". So instead of being in a pity party, I put on a smile, I act like I'm great until I trick myself into believing that I am...or until I am thankful enough that I truly am good again.
But I was so convicted this weekend as I heard him talk about Joy. This scripture says absolutely nothing about my joy...it says the joy of the LORD is my strength. If nothing else that I do or possess on my own is ever enough why would I be so foolish as to think that MY joy,(my forcing myself to find joy), would ever be enough to get me through something? And that is where the Truth is... it is through Christ only that anything is ever and has ever been accomplished in my life. His joy is true, not forced.

So how does His joy become my strength?
My understanding of Joy is so very limited. But God's is not. It is untamed, it is unrestrained, it is never ceasing, it is timeless.
God himself is not bound by time, I am. So the joy that I understand may be experienced in one moment, and then another, and another...but to God, ALL joy is His, always.
That's so powerful...and so, so much more powerful than the tiny bit of joy I might be able to muster up on my own. Of course that joy that He holds is my strength!
That kind of Joy could move mountains!

So today, if you're needing an extra dose of strength...instead of running to a cup of coffee, and a fake smile...try remembering the Joy of your Lord. The joy of the God that came down from Heaven on high to be near you. The joy that He knows when you are near to Him, that you belong to Him. The joy of every good moment, every good word, every sweet memory, all joy...all is His.

-C

Certain. Absolutely Certain.

Certain of the uncertainties, and their certainties. 

The first thing I am certain of is that life is crazy confusing sometimes. There are many "unknowns" , "wait it outs" and "hang in there's" . 

But I know that even in life's uncertainties, there are always, always some certainties.

Is certainties even a word? 

Probably not. 

Oh well.

There they are...right there where they should be, in a sea of uncertainties...looking at you with big, wanting eyes just begging you to hold out in hope. 

There's always this waiting out the uncertain moments..wading through the flood waters, wondering when your help will arrive. You know that your location is known....you are not destitute by any means (though it can feel it at times). Your need is known...because, let's be honest...you have made. it. known. Now you wait...latching on to the promise to come, knowing that God will come. He will provide. That's all there is to it. Of that I can be certain. I hold that truth.

Swift. No, not T.Swift. Swift. The adjective meaning promptly; suddenly. That's how God rolls.

I am also certain of that. 

Twice, maybe even three times now that I think of it, in the past week this has been brought to my attention. And by completely random people, unconnected to one another. That God does not act slowly, but swiftly and suddenly. How true is that? You wait, for what feels like an eternity...and then when you least expect it...BAM...done. 

But the truth is, God was working all along. You felt like you were waiting forever for an answer...when really God acted swiftly, you just don't see it until it's finished.

It's like a surprise party for YOU! You think it just happened, all of a sudden your friends and family are all there shouting your name and "Happy Birthday!!" And there's cake (or ice cream if you're me) and presents, and laughter, joy, and crazy amounts of love coming your way. But truthfully...that party has been in the works for a long time, months even. All because they knew your birthday was coming, and they wanted to make you feel the joy and magnitude of their love for you. So much so that it would shock you...

His love is like that. He comes to your rescue, and He NEVER under-delivers.

Of that  you can be certain.

-C

The Good Life

This is my life.
And this is your life.
And yes, it is good.
It may not be easy. In fact, most days it will be everything but easy.
It is imperfect, messy..broken.
But, oh how beautiful it is.
And good. Oh so very good.

Remembering today that God is a good God. And that He is only good. So the life that He has given me...it too is the good life. The one He gave me...this breath, this moment, this heartache, this joy, this compassion, this beauty, this memory, all of it...every bit of this life is good, and it is beautiful.
There is beauty in this place.

My God, you see, He is a craftsman. He is good at what He does. A craftsman knows their craft, they are careful with their craft. They study it, the understand it, they purpose it.
I am purposed for something. And not just anything. But for good things.

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10 

Fullness of God

Today my heart is enraptured by the unfathomable love of Christ.

Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV
" And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
I am whole. 

I do not completely grasp the concept. Can anyone really?
Yet for some reason, this morning it is all that I can think of. 
Fullness...Lacking nothing. Complete. Whole.
To be filled of all the "fullness of God" is to know God. 

John 17:3 NIV "Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

When I know God, I know His love. I can begin to see the depth, and overwhelming vastness of His love for me. And when I can see that love, I can trust Him. I can trust in the motive of that love, and I trust in the undeserved favor and grace that was offered through Christ.
Because of Christ and because of His the unmerited favor, love and affection, I lack nothing. 

I am complete. 

Dear Today,

Dear Today,
I will be adding things to the  "to do" list that have already been done...just so I can mark something off. Hope that's ok, because it makes me feel better about you.

Good tunes, God tunes, are absolutely necessary to keep my heart from being mad at you...after all, you are Friday...and well, you're not living up to your good reputation. I'm a little hurt. But no worries, I'll be over it in a few short hours...

(There should probably be a thank you added in here somewhere to Spotify for providing the hours of de-stress, refocus, don't hang up on people, it's ok because God is good even if today day isn't music... HUGE help! ...so, thanks!)

Oh and remember that post about trust...the one about deeper waters...turns out, waters can get deep reeeaaaal fast. Know what I mean? It's a good thing I had that reminder and I can see all of this as a trust exercise. :)

It helps me to know that when many things are going wrong, I can count on there being many more that are right. So that makes it all OK. I know God is bigger, God is better, and  I know tomorrow is brighter. (Unless it's rainy, in which case it would be AWESOME!)

Without Borders

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

Oceans (Where My Feet Fail) by Hillsong United

Such beautiful words. 

Such a beautiful heart behind them. 

How often is this our prayer? That God would lead us into a place where there are no borders for our trust...nothing standing in between my faith, and His will. No fears, no walls, no preconceptions, nothing standing in the way of me trusting the one whom my soul loves so desperately.  A place as this would mean a place where we have no choice but to trust...for there is nothing else to grab hold of. That is a scary place...yet that is where My God resides. And there...in that place...the one called surrender...I will be made stronger. For He is all that is left to draw from. And after all...He is enough.

Where I am is not enough. I desire more faith. I desire to go deeper...always deeper. 

Love,

C

A time to plant...

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens..."

It's been a while since I've written. To be honest, the reason for that is I haven't really had much to say. I'm in a bit of a funk.

 I've been living here in Dallas now for almost 8 months. 8 months of a new job, a new church, new city, new friends. New everything. For someone who lived her entire life in the same city and never experienced anything like this before, that is a lot of new!

Some of that "new" has been so exciting! I love meeting new people and being the new girl can be a lot of fun. I have loved exploring a new city! Dallas has so much culture and tons of areas to explore. I love all the trees and the green ( so different than phoenix). I love my new church. There are great people there who love the Lord and really seek His will for their life and that of the church. I love my family here who have taken me in and supported me during this transition.

Lately though, its been hard to focus on all that I love about this new life. It's a lot easier to only see the areas I feel I am lacking in. I am still working hard to make good friendships; I am lonely and would really like to have the right guy in my life;  work is a lot of work sometimes; I miss everyone in AZ.

Blah Blah Blah.. you get the picture! Pity parties have been a little more frequent with this girl lately. I hope I'm not being too depressing about any of this. Just being real. I came across this staple of a verse in Ecclesiastes and felt a little peace about where I'm at right now. I have a lot of people out there who have encouraged me in this season of newness that I am in. The thing I keep hearing over and over is that this is my time to plant. To do the hard work. To do. To work the extra hours at church, go out on a limb and make the effort to develop more friendships. Put myself out there a little. Man oh man! That kind of stuff is hard for me! But if I really am in a season of harvest, than there must be something coming forth soon :)

So, this has just been me being a little more raw than I usually am. For anyone else out there in a season of something not so fun, I encourage you to devote your all to wherever you are right now. Because it too is only a season and who knows what you will reap from it down the road :)

Shan

Home

Nothing like the gentle warmth of a citrus scented candle to warm your hands on a cool afternoon blazing 118 degree summer day. Who's with me? Nobody?
If you're from Phoenix, maybe you understand my dilemma. Blistering temps outside.
We're talking bake cookies on your hood, fry an egg on the sidewalk, blow torch wind in your face, I might possibly melt today hot outside Oh, but don't worry it's a "dry heat." (I'm rolling my eyes in case you are unaware of the sarcasm attached to that last statement). Personally, I think heat is heat...boil a chicken, bake a chicken...either way, that baby's gettin' cooked, and so am I...until I walk inside that is.
Everyone in Phoenix has to make up for the oven like air qualities outside by making it Antarctica inside...I mean, really? is that necessary? I'm freezing in this heat!
Alas, here I sit, warming my hands with a candle and dreading the painful walk to my car that awaits me at the end of this work day.

In other news, I have had the lovliest of weekends. (Two in a row to be exact!)

Despite the ridiculously hot temperatures this weekend, I ventured out into the city with some sweet friends. Friday night we had a wonderful dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Postino, and shared the most delicious array of Bruschetta. I mean, who has 12 different types of bruschetta?! Ah, so yummy! And then, I spent Saturday with my sister shopping and being girly.

 

Last weekend I had the opportunity to throw a baby shower for my the lovely Bex of Bex, a Diary blog. This woman is inspirational. You should check out her blog if you haven't and read through her journey of infertility and adoption. A long time in the waiting, they were finally licensed to foster and hopefully adopt a sweet little one. We had a beautiful party to celebrate this and spoil her with all kinds of necessities for mommyhood. I hope to have some pictures for you soon.

For now I just wanted to say how amazed I am at the heart of foster care. What an incredible noble, and selfless task. To love children...to welcome them into your home and make them your own. To provide for them and nurture them to growth. What a beautiful, beautiful example of Christ's love.

Much like a child that requires love in order to grow, we too need to be adopted into a new kind of home; One full of love and grace like we have never known. I always had a difficult time with the idea of God adopting me as an orphan, because I have wonderful parents. Yet, even the best of parents cannot compare to the love God has for me, His daughter. And if I am to grow, I need to be with Him where I am always learning.

John 15 talks a lot about this being 'in Him." If we don't, we perish. We must make our home with Him as The Message version puts it:

"4Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me...
9-10I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love.11-15“I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you."

 I love that not only do we get to be loved and adopted, and not only do we get to grow and bear fruit, and not only do gain the Joy of Christ, but we also get to learn how to love and extend those same things to others. A wonderful and worthy task.

Hope your Monday is going well! Much Love,
C

Here's a completely random pic of my mom and I...just cause I think she's cool. :)